Charlotte Stirling

It had seemed such a good idea at the time. Promoting wizardry in a positive fashion as well as earning money for charity. What could go wrong? Well, frankly, a lot.

One of the games involved inviting Muggles to learn a simple spell to show them how ‘cool’ and ‘awesome’ magic was. As well as ‘snuggly’ and ‘useful’.

The incantation chosen was illumanitium. The most simple of spells that, if done correctly, created a small sphere of light. The brightness depending on the skill of the weaver. The local camera crew had been invited and much to everybody’s surprise had accepted although several turned up with crosses, homemade garlic spray and some vials clumsily labeled as Holly Water.

The Muggles duly arrived and after some muttering agreed to hand over their pitchforks and salt although as Peversious Pace later remarked that he could take out ten just by blinking and this descended into a rather distasteful ‘who can kill the most Muggles’ competition.

The Muggles were given a square of cardboard (it was supposed to be vellum but the school was on a recycling drive) with the spell written in black marker pen. Some joker had changed the spell to Maximusglutionouskardashian. When performed the Muggles became the recipients of huge, shelf-like bottoms.

Now, this phenomena may have looked quite foxy on a young woman from warmer climes but sadly, made Mr Graham, a 68 year old farmer from Brimwash village and retired bowling champion, a great favourite as a resting place for birds travelling long distances. He said to be suing for vandalism.